Couch in a box

I have been shopping for a new couch for three years. 

I went into one real store and left feeling totally overwhelmed by the experience

and underwhelmed by the pushy salespeople.

My online shopping forays were equally terrible –

too many choices and contradictory customer reviews, and 

how in the heck are you supposed to decide if a couch is comfortable 

if you can't sit on it?

Then there were the delivery issues. All of the online retailers I tried

insisted on a physical address for delivery, which I simply do not have.

Finally, in mid-February, I found a couch that I liked 

and it could be shipped via UPS in a box.

  

Actually, three really heavy boxes.

But before I unload the whole adventure on you, let's back up a bit.

My UPS packages are usually delivered to a dropbox on the side of the highway. 

I figured it would rain on delivery day and didn't want my new couch to get wet,
and how would a couch fit into the dropbox anyway?

So I re-directed the delivery to a UPS customer center in Albuquerque.

Alex and I drove there on Tuesday to pick it up.

I stood by myself in this lobby for 10 minutes waiting for someone to appear at the counter.

Luckily, Alex could keep an eye on me from the truck because she has been known to 

jump up and down on the doorlock when she misses me, 

which sets off the alarm system, which causes much chaos and embarrassment.

Anyway, GrumpyUPSman finally shows up, complains about the size and weight of my boxes, 

shoves them across the floor and leaves me to my own devices 

to haul them and lift them into the truck. Oh well. 

It would be good practice for unloading them once I got home.

One last look at the old couch before I bring in the new one.

Alex: WTF? Where am I supposed to take my nap?

As I began unpacking the boxes, it occurred to me that 

it would be awhile before I could sit on my new couch. 

Assembly would be required.
Funny how I hadn't noticed much mention of that on the vendor's website,
but how hard could it be?

When I found the boxes of parts and instructions, 

I was incredibly impressed that the vendor included an electric screwdriver.

Then I was incredibly distressed to find the sheer volume of screws that had to be screwed in.

The instructions seemed clear enough until I got to step 1 and spent the next two hours

Face-timing with a very helpful customer service agent as we tried to reconcile a discrepancy

between the written directions and the accompanying illustration. 

Turns out the illustration was incorrect and no one had noticed it before.

Then I ran out of energy to finish the assembly and called it a night.

Alex was okay with that, having found her napping spot in the dining room.

Before I took a nap of my own, I re-visited the vendor's website to see how 

I missed the part about "lots of assembly and physical strength and patience required."

I was already five hours into the project and couldn't stand up straight.

Tomorrow would be another day.

Lo and behold, after a few more hours on Wednesday, I finally have a new couch.

It's very sturdy and comfortable, I love the color, 

and – most importantly – I can stop shopping for a new couch.

Now I have to start shopping for a new coffee table because the old one is too big and looks weird.

I'll be looking for something pre-assembled.