Where evil lurks

It was a quiet Wednesday night at the 7MSN. I was in the house, watching the Olympics. Smooch was outside, watching whatever she watches in the dark.

The next thing I knew, Smooch is barking her "mom, there's something REALLY wrong out here" bark. I ignored her.

"MOM, THERE'S SOMETHING REALLY WRONG OUT HERE!"

Then I got concerned. I turned on the porch light and opened the door. I heard the rattle instantly. I yelled Smooch's name and tried to get her to come to me. She was barking so loudly, I don't think she heard me. I picked up a handful of gravel and threw it at Smooch to get her attention on me and off the snake. I missed. Finally, Smooch ran onto the porch, to watch the snake from a different side. I slammed the porch gate closed, picked up Smooch, and we ran into the house.

With Smooch out of harm's way, I could catch my breath and devise a plan. Ok - first I need to find my shoes. Running around barefoot in the dark in pursuit of a snake is probably a bad idea.

Now I need to figure out if it's a rattlesnake or a bullsnake pretending he's a rattlesnake. I grabbed my camera, went out to the porch, stood on a chair, aimed the lens in the general direction of the rattling sound, and snapped a few pictures. I couldn't remember how to enlarge images in the camera monitor, so I ran back inside and downloaded the pictures on the computer.

Inconclusive. The head had the telltale triangular shape of a rattler, but his tail was coiled beneath him. I didn't want to kill him if he was a harmless bullsnake. But I didn't want to just leave him out there cruising around if he was a rattlesnake. After all, he was coiled up mere inches from Miss Wynonna's newest napping spot.

What to do, what to do...

More pictures. I stood on the chair and threw a handful of gravel at him so that he might uncoil a bit. Missed again. I tried shooting from a different angle, between the pickets of the porch rail.

Ok, there's no denying it, he's a rattler. And by now, he was so afraid from all the commotion I was making, he wouldn't stop rattling! I'd have thought he'd just slither away at his first chance, but nooooo.

What to do, what to do... The porch light didn't shine over on that side of the railing, and visibility was poor. If I tried to decapitate him up with a shovel, it might take several tries. I decided to go with firepower and went to the garage to get my .22 ... secretly hoping he'd be gone by the time I returned.

No such luck. I brought out a flashlight and propped it up on the chair to shine some light on my target.



I aimed the rifle, looked through the scope and saw nothing. Too dark. Should I just take my chances and shoot blindly? Bad idea. My best hope was to throw something at him and hope he'd just leave.

I picked up Smooch's favorite femur and tossed it. Missed again and broke the bone. Smooch is gonna be pissed. I needed something bigger, something heavier... I picked up one of the big rocks that line the fire pit and tossed it. Missed again.

Ok, this is getting ridiculous. I either have to get a lot closer or use a much bigger rock. I picked up the biggest, heaviest rock I could find, and I GOT HIM!



I've gone back out with the flashlight several times, and he's still there and he's still dead. But I'll wait til daylight just to be sure. Custom dictates that I bury the head, as it still contains venom, and put the tail in a jar for a souvenir. Bet you just can't wait for that picture.